I have put this off long enough. It just seems I cannot give adequate commentary on something as devastating as losing my mother. The funeral was yesterday and now life must go on without her. My purpose for living must change and re-focus on my children and grandchildren. I MUST be the grandma now, the top remaining branch on my family tree. It is a scary proposition.
Mom passed on November 27th, the day after Thanksgiving. My daughter & her family came out December 20th. I broke into the senior 60's bracket with my birthday on the 21st of December. Then there was the first Christmas I was able to share with my grandchildren in 9 years. Alas that was followed by my 23rd year sober 12/26/86....and finally Mom's wake and funeral....such stress!
It is no wonder nearly every one of the family is now nursing some form of viral bug. My daughter's temperature is 104, I am hovering at 102 and my sweet, precious little granddaughter is 100 with an awful nighttime cough.
What a bittersweet reunion as well. To be grieving and rejoicing simultaneously is the ultimate stress! But even Mom's death was a quandry. She had suffered for soooo long with numerous handicaps. She had prayed for death to relieve her for so long. It was just the horror of a massive stroke and 8 days of slowly dying with no life support but her oxygen that was heartbreaking. But she is at peace now....
As I stood at her coffin at the wake I felt I must still be responsible for her care. I find myself still wanting to pick up all her favorite items at the grocery store. I guess it will just take time.
I love you MOMMY!
You are a Good Daughter, just know that your mom is free and she is smiling.
ReplyDeleteThis is a Navajo Prayer I carry with me every day. I am wishing peace and comfort for you, when your Spirit wants to dwell in that dark place...
Hinááh bee atiingóó éí naashá
On the Trail of Life, I walk in beauty
Nizhóní naashá
In Harmony I exist, I walk in beauty
hugs,
Sandra
Sylvia, your emotions will run the gambut this next year. Let the grieving process follow its course. And later, when you see an old person and you have to blink because just for a second they looked like your mother, you will realize that she is always with you, always.
ReplyDeleteXX, Carol
I lost my mom '97. Her birthday is Christmas Day. Christmas just hasn't been the same since. We also had to do the no life support. It was what she wanted and that's what mattered. I miss her still. Take care.
ReplyDeleteyour mother is within you and is part of the universe, she has not left you just changed the form in which she is keeping you company. Just know you have not lost her and she will always be with you.
ReplyDelete"may peace always be in your heart"
Indigo and Phoenix
You were very lucky to have had that time with your mom...cherish it and remember the life of her...not the death. My mom and I were estranged up to her death and that is not something I can ever get back...so enjoy the memories and pass them on to your grandchildren. I did have my father-in-law live with us 8 years before passing and my children still remember the times of his life. If you scrapbook, (or not) it would be a great time to make a memory book to pass on. You sound like a strong person - concentrate on accomplishments and... Have a good 2010!
ReplyDeleteSylvia, I'm so sorry for your loss especially at this time of the year. I can't think of anything else to say and I doubt anything can be said to ease your pain. I wish you good luck with your move.
ReplyDelete