I have put this off long enough. It just seems I cannot give adequate commentary on something as devastating as losing my mother. The funeral was yesterday and now life must go on without her. My purpose for living must change and re-focus on my children and grandchildren. I MUST be the grandma now, the top remaining branch on my family tree. It is a scary proposition.
Mom passed on November 27th, the day after Thanksgiving. My daughter & her family came out December 20th. I broke into the senior 60's bracket with my birthday on the 21st of December. Then there was the first Christmas I was able to share with my grandchildren in 9 years. Alas that was followed by my 23rd year sober 12/26/86....and finally Mom's wake and funeral....such stress!
It is no wonder nearly every one of the family is now nursing some form of viral bug. My daughter's temperature is 104, I am hovering at 102 and my sweet, precious little granddaughter is 100 with an awful nighttime cough.
What a bittersweet reunion as well. To be grieving and rejoicing simultaneously is the ultimate stress! But even Mom's death was a quandry. She had suffered for soooo long with numerous handicaps. She had prayed for death to relieve her for so long. It was just the horror of a massive stroke and 8 days of slowly dying with no life support but her oxygen that was heartbreaking. But she is at peace now....
As I stood at her coffin at the wake I felt I must still be responsible for her care. I find myself still wanting to pick up all her favorite items at the grocery store. I guess it will just take time.
I love you MOMMY!